Summary of The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

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  • Post last modified:February 1, 2024

Part V: Your Dark Side

Chapter 35: You Are Always Searching for Freedom

The essential masculine ecstasy is in the moment of release from constraint.

The masculine is constantly in search of a release, in search of emptiness. The masculine orgasm is a release. Playing sports is a way to release tension and energy.

Masculine men become emotional during the moment of release from constraint into freedom.

Breakthrough into freedom is the main motive of the masculine. This explains why war is such a masculine thing, and why it evokes so many emotions.

The masculine is always seeking release from constraint into freedom. The feminine often doesn’t understand these masculine ways and needs.

While men look for freedom hence emptiness, women look for love – hence fullness. Their means is not release, but surrender. And they cannot stand emptiness.

Women will fill up everything they can.

When she does not feel full of love, she seeks to fill herself with ice cream, chocolate, or conversation rather than empty her stress through TV or ejaculation, as men often do.

Chapter 36: Own Your Darkest Desires

When you’re not in touch with your deepest and darkest desire to take your girl, rip her clothes off and throw her on the bed in a loving way, you start imagining doing stuff to her in a rather…unloving way.

The excitement of violence and coercion replaces the desire for love.

Few men will admit it, but most have fantasized about having sex with a girl against her will. Likewise, few women will admit it, but most have fantasized about being forced to have sex.

The dark feminine desire, to be forced to surrender, is as strong as the dark masculine desire to penetrate through a woman’s resistance.

The only difference between a positive outcome and a negative one is doing it out of love.

You need to be aware of these dark desires and play with them.

If your woman is unwilling to completely surrender, she won’t be able to receive your love and will use conversation, movies, and food to fill herself up.

You must be as fearless with your sexual desire as you are with your spiritual desire. The essential masculine fear is loss of self—which is also the essential masculine desire. So, if you are like most men, you are willing to lose your self in controllable ways like sports, newspapers, and orgasm, but you remain fearful of losing your self, for real, in love-ecstasy with your woman, surrendered in the unknowable infinity beyond mind.

Try it once with your girl. Get rid of all of your inhibitions and realize your darkest desires.

By reclaiming the full force of your dark masculine loving, you will not only re-own your capacity to ravish your woman in selfless ecstasy, but you will also re-own your spiritual guts.

Chapter 37: She Wants the “Killer” in You

Fearlessness, or the capacity to transcend the fear of death for the sake of love, is a quintessential form of the ultimate masculine gift.

Your girl will be turned off if you’re scared to go check the noise downstairs to see if there’s a thief or not. She’ll be turned on if you don’t hesitate to kill the cockroach.

She’s not turned on by you killing. She’s turned on by your capacity to kill.

Chapter 38: She Needs Your Consciousness to Match Her Energy

A man must be able to meet his woman with consciousness equivalent to her energy.

A woman can be anything, and she’ll keep on going back to being that thing you hate the most. The only way to stop that is to love her, so that her anger can be transformed into passion.

You don’t love girls by telling them but by showing them. Give her a hug, laugh, make a joke, spin her in the air.

If her body is closed, open her arms.

The extent to which you own yourself should match her energy.

She will never trust your “lighter” masculine capacities until you have proven your “darker” masculine capacities.

If you’re not in touch with your dark side, you won’t be able to meet and serve her dark side.

It’s not about pleasing her, but about being fully congruent with yourself.

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