Summary of The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

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  • Post last modified:February 1, 2024

Part II: Dealing With Women

Chapter 16: Women Are Not Liars

In the feminine reality, words, and facts take a second place to emotions and the shifting moods of relationship. When she says, “I hate you,” or “I’ll never move to Texas,” or “I don’t want to go to the movies,” it is often more a reflection of a transient feeling-wave than a well-considered stance with respect to events and experience.

Men mean what they say.

Women express their feelings at instant T. Sometimes they mean what they say too, but most of the time, they just express however they’re feeling at that moment.

And since feelings change, what she says will change too.

The basic rule is this: Don’t believe the literal content of what your woman says unless love is flowing deeply and fully in the moment when she says it. And even then, know that she is probably talking about her current feelings, not necessarily about the subject of whatever she is talking about.

Chapter 17: Praise Her

The masculine grows by challenge, but the feminine grows by praise.

Men love challenging each other because this is how they grow. When you challenge your girl, you develop the masculine side in her. The feminine does not grow by challenge, but praise.

Bottom line: if you want her to exercise, don’t ask her to lose x kilos. Tell her you love her body.

Likewise, be positive. “You’re so beautiful when you smile” > “you’re ugly when you frown”.

You need to praise qualities that are not yet praiseworthy so your girl develops them.

Telling a lazy girl she’s hardworking will encourage her to work hard.

In other words, forget about logic.

Chapter 18: Tolerating Her Leads to Resenting Her

If you tolerate a bitchy behavior, it will lead you to resent her.

Realize that her being bitchy isn’t entirely her fault. It’s a sign love isn’t fully flowing.

A superior man sees his woman’s moods not as a curse, but as a challenge and an amusement.

When she’s like this, don’t close yourself. Rather, open yourself to her love.

Here are a few ideas to deal with her.

  • Tickle her.
  • Take off your clothes and dance the watusi.
  • Sing opera for her.
  • Make animal sounds.
  • Shout at her louder than you ever have and then kiss her passionately.
  • Press your belly into her until she melts.
  • Lift her off the ground and spin her around.
  • Occasionally, talking with her helps, but not as often as humor and physically expressed love.

If you have tried everything, simply relax.

Don’t ever wish she was easier, as it weakens you – and the relationship will only be worse from there.

If you cannot love her as she is, end the relationship.

Chapter 19: Don’t Analyze Your Woman

The feminine’s moods and opinions are like weather patterns. They are constantly changing.

Men think and react in terms of action -> reaction. Every problem has a cause, every problem can be fixed.

It doesn’t work this way for women. They don’t have problems, just mood X at instant T.

Don’t look for the causes of her mood as you’ll never find the answer. 90% of the time, it’s likely caused by not enough love.

So don’t stay there to try to analyze. Give her a hug, kiss her, whatever.

Chapter 20: Don’t Suggest That a Woman Fix Her Own Emotional Problem

Her emotions are her energy. Fixing them would be like depriving her of her feminine energy. The feminine is naturally messy and changing. She doesn’t want to decide what to do, she wants to follow your lead.

If it’s her birthday, don’t say “today, we do whatever you want to do”. Say instead “today, I have prepared a whole surprise day with different activities that you will love”.

She wants to follow your lead and trust you. She doesn’t want to come up with things herself.

Men are the opposite. We’d love to do whatever we want on our birthday – we don’t want anyone to organize surprises.

One of the deepest feminine desires in intimacy is to be able to relax and surrender, knowing that her man is taking care of everything.

The masculine energy is the boat moving from A to B. The feminine energy is the ocean, moving in all directions at once.

Women don’t become free by analyzing themselves. They become free by surrendering to love.

Chapter 21: Stay With Her Intensity—to a Point

When a woman gets emotionally intense, a mediocre man wants to calm her down and discuss it, or leave and come back later when she is “sane.” A superior man penetrates her mood with imperturbable love and unwavering consciousness. If she still refuses to live more fully in love, after a time, he lets her go.

When your girl’s emotions are too wild, you may be disgusted or scared as she shows she’s not reliable and can be damaging.

The way you deal with her is the way you deal with chaos. It’s harder for some men than for others.

Eg: if you like it when everything is tightly arranged into places, you’ll also try to box her emotions up and that won’t work.

So, how do you deal with it? By embracing the chaos, that is by loving her and standing your ground.

If her emotions become too much and you can’t handle it, then you should leave.

Chapter 22: Don’t Force the Feminine to Make Decisions

Relationships are sustained when the polarity between feminity and masculinity is maintained.

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Relationships rest on polarity.

If that polarity begins to diminish, conflicts will begin to increase.

Making decisions is a strong masculine property. When your girl is asking your opinion about what to do, don’t tell her “do whatever you want”. Tell her what to do – but let her choose.

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