- Straight men get turned on by young women with attractive breasts, butts, and waist-to-hip ratios -> men are aroused by physical cues.
- Straight women get turned on by tall, muscled men with deep voices and square jaws that are also at the top of the social hierarchy, dominant, competent, and hopelessly in love with them. They get aroused by physical and emotional clues.
- This explains why men like to watch porn (emphasis on the physical) and why women don’t like it (absence of psychological cues).
- It also explains why women love erotic novels (emphasis on the physical and psychological) and why men don’t like them (not enough emphasis on the physical).
- Women’s physical and emotional arousal work independently from one another.
- Women require to be both physically and emotionally excited to have sex.
Table of Contents
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- The Concupiscence Of Coercion
- The Popularity Cue
- So Damn Easy To Love
- The “Power of And” vs. The “Power of Or”
What A Billion Wicked Thoughts Talks About
A Billion Wicked Thoughts is a book written by Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam. The book talks about the sexual fantasies that men and women consume online and attempts to explain them with evolutionary psychology.
The most important highlight from the book is that men’s and women’s sexuality is fundamentally different due to their own respective purposes.
This book is one of the most complete books ever written on female psychology. It shines the light on what women want from men, what they focus on when looking for a partner, and what they expect out of their relationships.
Anyone wondering about female sexuality won’t have many unanswered questions left after reading it.
Ogas and Gaddam have done excellent work and I am surprised that the book isn’t more often cited in discussions about men-women relationships.
However…the manuscript isn’t perfect either, sadly.
First, it’s not well written. The chapters are all over the place and the information (the what about the whom) is not categorized, but all mixed up.
Instead of writing clear sections about men then about women, etc, the authors spread a bit of information over each chapter. This makes it difficult to follow and remember.
As a result (and this is the second point), the book repeats itself too much.
Hence (third point), it is too long.
Fourth, it asks questions it doesn’t answer directly or none at all because science hasn’t yet uncovered the answer (exactly like Brand Seduction).
Finally, there is a complete lack of interpretation of the findings. The authors just ask questions and look for answers, without worrying about what the answers mean (I had to count on Jordan Peterson for that but even he made a bunch of mistakes).
I wanted to give it a 10, but these are just too many problems.
So it will be a 9.
Short Summary of A Billion Wicked Thoughts
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What we desire isn’t determined by society, but by biology. Males and females across the animal kingdom have broadly overlapping desire patterns. We cannot choose who and what we are attracted to.
Men are visual. The most common male desire cues are women’s age, breasts, butts, waist-to-hip ratios, and feet. They are biologically designed to objectify women’s bodies.
Men also get aroused by psychological cues, such as:
- Competition for women with other males
- Physical danger
- Female innocence
- Female pleasure
Men are constantly ready to have sex because they don’t have many occasions to do it. Men are also prone to the novelty effect: they desire a woman less after they had sex with her.
Men pursue both long-term and short-term mating strategies:
- They marry young women that will give them healthy children and will still be alive to raise them.
- They have ONS (one-night stands) with still-fertile older women because it gives them a chance to pass on their genes.
Women are different. Sex has more implications and risks for them than for men (pregnancy is a 15-year commitment, if not more), which is why they are more careful with who they sleep.
Women need to be turned on both physically and psychologically. They can be turned on one way, but not another – in which case they won’t have sex.
Women care and are receptive to many more clues than men are.
- Psychological: is he dominant, high-status, aggressive with other people, competent, kind to me and my future children? Does he love me, will he stay around?
- Physical clues
- About the male: tall, muscular, deep voice, square jaw, etc.
- About the situation: presence of food, shelter, safety, and absence of stress or pressure.
- Emotional clues:
- About the male: does he really love her? Will he stay around? Women get turned on by men desiring them. The more he desires her, the more she likes it.
- About herself: does she feel attracted to him? Does she feel ok about having sex?
- Social clues: what do other women think about the guy? Do they think he’s a suitable partner?
- Cultural clues: what type of guys do other women date and want? What’s the trend?
Fortunately, women don’t need all of these cues to get aroused – only a few of them is enough -> women’s sexuality is plastic.
Because women constantly need to investigate men, they rely on other women’s advice and opinions about them. This explains why:
- Men in a relationship appear desirable – if other women date him, then he must be a good guy.
- Women’s brain is designed for talking, and why women are much more in contact with their friends than men are. Women share and ask advice about everything – not just about men.
Obviously, porn cannot provide women with all of these cues, which is why women’s porn is erotic novels, rich in descriptions and emotions.
The storyline goes like this: a young innocent girl goes through something terrible in her life and she ends up meeting a tall dark stranger rescuing her. The guy is perfect (handsome, rich, best in his field, well-connected, aggressive with his enemies, and kind with his loved ones) and she is shy with him…until she realizes that he is somehow twisted and she is the only one that can heal him. He figures that out too, falls in love with her, asks her to marry him, she says yes and he initiates her into sex and she loses her innocence with him. They live happily ever after.
The climax (the sex) is not about sex, but about the meaning ascribed to it, which is strong desire and unconditional love.
These are the things that turn men and women on.
Summary of A Billion Wicked Thoughts Written by Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam
Preface: The World’s Largest Behavioral Experiment
There is a big bias in psychological studies because the subjects are always the same ones: US graduates (in psychology). These people always have the same age, and always have the same background (Western, rich, educated, etc.)
When comparing the undergrads’ studies’ findings with other people’s findings, scientists noticed too that there was a huge difference.
So studies done this way are not reliable.
This is where the Internet comes in. The Internet provides data from more than one billion people that are diverse enough to be studied and enough to draw conclusions out of.
Chapter 1: Sexual Cues
Richard von Krafft-Ebing founded sexology (the study of human sexuality) in 1886. More than 130 years later, the field didn’t make many new discoveries due to the lack of data (it’s not easy to find people that want to be studied while having sex).
- We don’t know the origins of sexual desire
- There’s no consensus on which sexual interests are normal, abnormal, or pathological.
- Scientists don’t know the purpose of female orgasm
But thanks to the Internet and thanks to porn, we can now explore who likes what, anonymously.
The Unanticipated Consequences Of Brainwashing
The author tells the abominable story of David Reimer, a boy that was unknowingly given female hormones and raised as a girl until he realized his true identity at 14 years old and went back to being a boy.
-> Desire is somewhat biologically driven.
He then tells the story of the Simbari, a tribe whose straight men practice oral sex on each other as an initiation, but who ultimately marry women.
-> Sex acts can be socially induced -> sexual orientation isn’t a choice.
The authors got a part of their data from Dogpile, a meta-search engine.
55 million queries were of erotic nature out of the 400 million the authors collected.
They learned that:
- 80% of these queries could be spread among twenty different interests (youth was by far the most popular one) and 35 interests made up 90% of queries -> no diversity in sex interests.
- The top five most popular erotic websites for men are porn websites.
- The top five most popular erotic websites for women are fiction stories websites (pro or fan-made).
On the Web, men prefer images. Women prefer stories. Men prefer graphic sex. Women prefer relationships and romance.
When it comes to fantasy, men want sex in all its rawness and bestiality.
It’s completely different for women.
“The core of a romance novel’s plot is a love story in the course of which the heroine overcomes obstacles to identify, win the heart of, and ultimately marry the one man who is right for her.”
Women’s ultimate fantasy…is a love story.
Chapter 2: Male Visual Cues
Both humans and monkeys enjoy watching erotic pictures of women (and female monkeys). And both of them are willing to trade money (or food) to do so.
While women make up 25% of porn site visitors, they’re never willing to pay for it -> men are more motivated to watch porn than women are.
Eg: Several federal agencies had to open investigations after it was found out many of their male employees spent hours watching porn at work.
The cues that trigger desire rank as follows (by order of importance):
- Breast size: the most popular search category for heterosexual men in the entire world (large breasts are more popular). Researchers found out that the bigger the breasts, the more likely women are to be asked out.
- Age (“teens” for their fertility, “MILF” for their aggressive).
- Body type (skinny, fat, etc).
- Waist-to-hip ratio: ideal number is 0.7.
- Butts: many like large butts
- Foot: men like small female feet. Freud thought feet fetiches were linked to submissiveness (which correlates with the data).
- Penises: Men want it big in porn videos. Women don’t necessarily look at it. Penises give information about health, vitality, and potential for aggressivity.
GILF (Grandma I’d like to [redacted]) is popular in Kenya and England because grandparents initiate kids to sex in Kenya and teenage students get punished by old women at school.
Women in Japanese anime summarize what men like in women:
- Highschool teenager
- Large eyes
- High-pitched voice
- School uniform with skirts
- Sexually inexperienced and embarrassed when talked to about it
- Large breasts, perfect butt, low waist-to-hip ratio, and small feet
Chapter 3: Male Desire
Men’s sexual fantasies are more visually explicit than women’s and men remember more visual details from sexual encounters than women do.
The male brain is more responsive to visual cues than the female brain. Men experience direct psychological and physical arousal upon sighting.
-> Men are biologically designed to objectify women’s bodies.
Men rarely focus on the face and prefer focusing on the body.
Some men have rare fantasies about women’s hands or earlobes.
Scientists uncovered that:
- Sexual cues are “registered” in the brain after a single exposure.
- Visual cues develop during a teenage period called “critical period” and don’t change later on. If a male does not have girlfriends as a teenager (during the critical period), he will be less interested in sex later on (and the other way around).
- If a cue happens during ejaculation, it may be imprinted too.
Men focus on breasts, butts, and hips because they indicate how young, healthy, and fertile a woman is (influenced by estrogen levels).
Men pursue both long and short-term mating strategies.
- Long-term: men want to date long-term young girls because they are more likely not to have had children before and to still be alive when the child grows.
- Short-term: One-night stands with older women.
The reason why women (and females in the animal kingdom) want to be attractive to men is that they get external perks in exchange such as cash, goods, or protection.
Chapter 4: Female Desire
Two psychologists sent their nine good-looking assistants (five women, four men) to a university campus to ask students walking around three questions:
- Would you go on a date with me tonight?
- Would you come to my apartment with me tonight?
- Would you go to bed with me tonight?
Here’s the percentage of the men and women that said yes to these questions.
|Back to my place?||69%||6%|
-> men and women’s desires are different.
When Pfizer invented Viagra, its share price doubled in a day. They then tried to make Viagra for women but it failed.
Men’s physical arousal is linked to psychological arousal: when men have an erection, they also want to have sex (and the other way around).
Women’s physical arousal is not linked to psychological arousal: vaginal lubrication is not sufficient for a girl to desire sex.
Women’s and men’s brains have the same components but these are organized differently.
Consider that women:
- Play with themselves less
- Fantasize about sex less frequently
- Initiate sex less often than men
- Have low sexual desire more often than men.
- Are more likely than men to pursue sex for reasons other than sexual pleasure.
- Are more likely to report low desire due to relationship difficulties and high desire due to good relationships.
This is because women must consider sex with a long-term perspective.
Women cannot get pregnant and raise offspring for more than a decade without a strong, aggressive, and competent partner to help and protect her do so.
-> this explains why women are turned on by a man’s behavior and character.
Women seek out four types of psychological clues to determine whether they want to have sex with a man or not.
- Physical clues
- Emotional clues
- Social clues
- Cultural clues
These are nutrition, stress, shelter, and safety.
The less safety there is, the more women are turned off – and the other way around.
Men, however, are aroused by danger.
Women know men will lie to have sex so they must find out their “real feelings” (do they like her or not) before having sex with them.
But they also need to probe how they feel.
Women feel more emotions but are better at controlling them on their faces and better at suppressing unwanted thoughts.
Social clues are what other women think.
Women solicit the opinions of other women on almost every aspect of a potential partner. They also rely on others for ideas (…) such as beauty tips, health, child rearing, fashion, dieting….
This explains why women are better at communicating. Teenage girls send and receive on average 80 texts per day (Aure’s Note: this book came out in 2011. In today’s reality, it is likely much more). Men only send/receive 30.
There are more connections between the female language centers and the subcortical reward systems, suggesting that talking is more rewarding for women. Women have greater connectivity between the two cortical hemispheres, which may indicate that women are better at processing and producing language.
Men’s porn websites have no political message. Women’s porn websites are full of messages promoting “inclusivity”, “empowerment”, “positivity” or “feminism”.
This may be because women make culturally contextual relationship decisions (aka women are influenced by trends and fashion) that men don’t.
Women are sensitive to what other women do and will make sure to copy the behavior not to stand out. This is why women complain so much about social pressure: they’re much more sensitive to it.
They ask themselves questions like “is it right or wrong” or “what will people think of me” when considering having sex with somebody because they take more risks than men do.
Women know that one man will eventually come to talk to them, so they take fewer risks and wait for them.
Humanity descends from 80% of women that ever lived, but only from 40% of the men
-> women’s chances of successfully reproducing are high.
-> few men had lots of children from different women while most men did not have any children (Paretto’s law).
This is why men don’t play it safe. Being in the majority for women means winning at life (having kids). Being in the majority for men means losing (not having kids).
All of these cues together form feminine intuition. If enough cues are perceived, women will be psychologically aroused. If not, they won’t.
Alcohol inhibits the parts of the brain in charge of these questions, which explains why hooking up goes faster when drunk.
Chapter 5: Female Psychological Cues I: The Hero
Women get turned out by stories because they contain physical, cultural, social, and emotional clues (like men’s capability for stability, commitment, social status, competence, and kindness.)
This explains why romantic stories are arousing for women.
“The romance novel is a chronicle of female mate choice in which the heroine overcomes obstacles to identify, win, and marry the hero, who embodies the physical, psychological, and social characteristics that constituted high male mate value during the course of human evolutionary history.”Catherine Salmon and Donald Symons in Warrior Lovers
Romantic stories all have the same structure.
- The Flower: a young innocent girl goes through a terrible event and somehow meets a mysterious, handsome, and dangerous stranger.
- The Flame: a handsome and dangerous man who loves his freedom and lifestyle cannot help falling in love with the young girl and decides to seduce her, then commit to her and love her forever.
Romance is an enormous literary market. It generated $1.37 billion in sales in 2008 and is the most-sold genre in the fiction market (more people buy romance than anything else).
More than 90% of romance readers are women.
Sex is ubiquitous in the story but not essential because it’s not about the act itself, but what it means, namely:
- Love: women are obsessed with being loved.
- Initiation: women in the stories are always young and inexperienced.
Sex is only there to make the love stronger -> sex without love wouldn’t work.
These books are so popular that they drove by a big margin the Kindle adoptions. Women didn’t dare buy erotic novels in shops in the past. They can now buy them secretly on Amazon.
Women can also find novels on fan fiction websites. About half of these fictions are romantic stories that strongly emphasize the emotional.
Here are the ten most represented professions of the hero:
No plumber, carpenter, bureaucrat, or hairdresser.
All of these professions are associated with power, competence, and status.
Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.Henry Kissinger
Women are attracted to the men at the top of the dominance hierarchy: the alpha male.
Alphas are natural leaders—that’s pretty much the definition of the alpha—with a strong protective streak and a fierce confidence in their own abilities.
Women love dominant men.
Women prefer the voices of dominant men, the scent of dominant men, the movement and gait of dominant men, and the facial features of dominant men.
The hero’s dominance has decreased over the years. In The Flame and the Flower (1972), the hero rap*** the heroine in the beginning, then apologizes later on.
In Devil’s Embrace (1982), the hero kidnaps the heroine before her wedding, ties her down, and rap** her. She falls in love with him later on. This level of violence no longer exists in today’s novels.
Women are attracted to all types of dominant men, including serial killers (almost all of them have received love letters from women in prison).
But dominance and aggressivity are not enough. Women want their partners to be aggressive with other people, but they want them to be kind and understanding to her as she ultimately needs to survive by his side.
-> Women want a guy who is:
- Tough on the outside
- Sweet and nice on the inside
- But he can only be nice to her, not to other people.
Once women gathered enough clues that a guy was dominant enough, they need to make sure that “he is nice deep down” and will “protect her”.
These scenes in romance are always extremely rich in detail.
You can be an alpha without having money but money always makes you more alpha. Millionaires and billionaires are frequent heroes in romantic stories.
In the animal kingdom, female chimpanzees prefer males with lots of meat and the female pelican prefers the male bringing the most fish.
At the time women weren’t earning money, the heroine always fell in love with rich men as this was the best way to ensure safety. In modern stories, the heroine occupies a powerful position and makes enough money for herself (and usually earns above average) but the hero is even richer (they’ve become millionaires or billionaires).
If he happens to be poorer than she is (knight VS king’s daughter), he compensates with bravery and strength by saving the heroine from herself.
One quality all heroes have in common is competence.
Doesn’t matter if he’s a cowboy or a billionaire, he’s the best at what he does.
Men who don’t know what to do with their life, who are midlevel bureaucrats, or who sit around the house watching TV are never heroes.
The hero must be so confident that he can’t even imagine what the heroine can add to his life.
He should also be smart – there are no stupid heroes (smart + dominance explain why women like older men).
In the animal kingdom, species must choose. Sex and a big brain are costly in energy, so you can only have one or the other (smart animals don’t have plenty of sex and the other way around).
Despite his overwhelming success, the male character somehow struggles and he can only be “fixed” by the heroine – and not by anyone else.
Penises’ sizes are never mentioned in novels – but whether it is erected or not is.
In porn, the climax is the ejaculation.
In romance, it’s the happily-ever-after, long-term monogamous relationship. That’s why they never have a sequel as this would violate the female fantasy of true, committed, eternal love.
Chapter 6: The Female Psychological Cues II: The Heroine
Men desire women. Women desire being desired by men (irresistibility).
Being desired is very arousing to women.
The hero’s desire is expressed as his overwhelming sexual need for the heroine (women love the idea that a man “cannot help himself having sex with her”).
We said above that women’s decision is not only about external cues, but also about how they feel about having sex.
The heroine often lacks confidence at the beginning of the story but when she finds out that the hero is hopelessly in love with her, her self-esteem peaks at levels yet unseen (Eg: Fifty Shades of Grey)
-> women draw their confidence from the attraction that quality men have for them.
Donald Symons and Bruce Ellis found that more than half of women’s fantasies reflect the desire to be sexually irresistible. Women frequently fantasize about being a stripper, harem girl, or Las Vegas showgirl.
Whereas male exhibitionism is usually considered a psychiatric disorder and a crime, female exhibitionism is rarely considered a social problem. Indeed, it’s frequently exploited commercially.
Women’s desire to be desired explains:
- Young women’s willingness to enter wet T-shirt contests
- The entire beauty industry
- Women’s high focus on their bodies and the dissatisfaction that often follows
Women feel “empowered” when they receive men’s validation. They are then much more likely to have sex than not.
Research suggests that the need to be irresistible to men is a subconscious primal need that women aren’t consciously aware of.
The Concupiscence Of Coercion
For both ordinary women and female scientists, the widespread prevalence of female coercive fantasies is an understandable source of discomfort and hand-wringing.
R*pe fantasies are among the most popular ones. In the romance novels of the 70s and 80s, the heroine was frequently r*p*d.
There are two “exciting” components to r*pe fantasies.
- Surrender to a powerful and attractive high-quality man with a sense of danger, excitement, and passion.
- Being desired beyond self-control (irresistibility).
Women can also find disturbing the things they get turned on by.
Lots of “professional” and fan-made erotic fiction depict non-consensual sexual relationships of low-ranked men (Eg: truckers) forcing themselves on innocent wives or young women.
While women enjoy these fantasies, they wouldn’t enjoy living them in real life.
The Popularity Cue
The popularity cue (also called social proof) expresses the fact that a man dating a woman is perceived as “higher value” by women compared to the same man that wouldn’t be dating anyone.
Popularity cues are one reason many women find married men so attractive.
This makes them develop a love-hate relationship with other women.
On one hand, they want their friends to validate the attractiveness and value of a man. On the other, she doesn’t want to have any competitors.
Awkward loner male heroes don’t exist in romance novels. Only the alpha males do.
It’s the opposite for men. They’d rather find a woman that no other men desire than a woman all of their friends want to have sex with.
So Damn Easy To Love
Irresistibility is the quality of being sexually desired.
Adorability is the quality of being loved for unique qualities and abilities.
For women, being lovable was the key to attracting the best mate. For men, however, it was more a matter of beating out lots of other men even to have a chance for a mate.
The hero must demonstrate that his love is steady, irrational, and everlasting.
In the romance, the hero slowly realizes he’s madly in love with the heroine and there’s nothing he can do against it.
The climax happens when he confesses his love and asks her to marry him.
-> women aren’t turned on by sex skills, but by psychological components like love.
That’s why women are emotionally jealous (they don’t want the guy to love somebody else) while men are physically jealous (they don’t want her to sleep with other men).
Ultimately, a woman wants to feel that a man loves her, and her alone, unconditionally and forever—and that none of a man’s previous women ever rose to anywhere near the same level.
Just as the heroine is a whore if she has enjoyed sexual relations with anybody other than you, you, as a hero, are an emotional whore if you fall in love with anybody else other than the heroine.Candy Tan
The “Power of And” vs. The “Power of Or”
Let’s review what we have seen so far.
For men, any type of physical sexual cue is enough to get them aroused. They only need one (“oh, nice breasts”).
The situation is different for women. They need all (or several) of these cues to feel aroused.
- Financially secured.
- He needs to be nice to her and to children
- She must feel safe with him
- She must feel irresistible
- She must feel healthy
-> Male sexuality isn’t flexible: they need physical cues and can’t get aroused by anything else.
It’s the opposite for women. She may overlook the fact that he’s poor if he’s handsome, alpha, and she feels safe with him.
This means that culture can influence women’s desire for men. But it cannot influence men’s desires for women.
Chapter 7: Gay Cues
Gay men have longer penises (16 cm or 6.32 inches) than straight men (15.2 cm or 5.99 inches).
Gay men’s fantasies are a mix of women’s (psychological cues) and men’s (physical cues) fantasies. One of the most popular categories is “straight men”.
Gay men like to initiate (or coerce) sex with straight men the way straight men like it with women because gay men are attracted to masculinity. They don’t like feminine guys – they like masculine guys – and being straight is correlated with being masculine.
Gay porn stories always feature strong masculine professions and the characters are always said to be straight. If gay men learn that an actor isn’t straight but gay, they get turned off.
-> psychological cues.
In terms of porn taste, gay men also watch young, mature, etc videos like straight men. And gay porn jumps to sex as fast as straight porn.
Gay men share the same visual cues as straight men.
Feet, butts, and chests are highly popular in both gay and straight porn, as are domination, submission, group sex, amateurs, and numerous types of squickier interests.
Gay also watch more porn and are more likely to pay for it too.
We can understand gay sexuality by looking at the animal kingdom.
In the case of rats, the male is aggressive and dominant, and the female is submissive. But when we place electrodes to control the male rat brain and make it function like a female rat brain, the male rat becomes submissive (and we can make female dominant).
-> male and female brains are similar, but are exploited differently.
2/3rd of gay men prefer having a submissive role to a dominant role.
Straight men are aroused by domination and women, by submission.
Born With Gay Software
As we have seen, the gay brain is the same as the straight brain, except for two things found in women’s brains:
- Gay men like masculine men
- Gay men prefer submissive roles
And gay men also have longer penises.
These three things happen to be influenced by fetal hormones leading to the idea that one isn’t “made gay” but becomes gay. But we don’t know much at this stage.
Chapter 8: Female Visual Cues
In the early 1970s, a magazine called Playgirl started featuring naked men ” for women”. The magazine was (predictably) not bought by women (lack of psychological cues) but by gay men.
Women’s preferences for men vary according to their cycle. We need to distinguish when:
- They are fertile (ovulating): 5 days period during the month
- They are not fertile
Women are more attracted to top alpha males with good genes when they are ovulating (relying on physical cues), and are more attracted to a nice provider (psychological cues) that will protect them in the long term when they are not. However, this behavior is unconscious – women don’t realize it.
Ovulating women demonstrate a stronger preference for men with masculine faces, masculine voices, and masculine scents, and who display conspicuous signals of social dominance. They also tend to flirt more, dress more provocatively, and express greater interest in going out to bars, clubs, and socializing. One study even found that ovulating women tend to move around more, as if maximizing exposure to new opportunities.
When women are not ovulating, they prefer men with more feminized faces.
When women are ovulating, their attraction to other men goes up.
Married women were significantly more likely to have sex with an outside partner during ovulation.
As a result, men are more protective of women when they ovulate.
The only porn website (sssh) for women that managed to turn a profit is…not a porn website.
- Articles on health and diet, and how-to sex guides
- A forum where women can talk with one another
- Men answering questions about male sexuality
- Beauty tips
- Video tutorials on topics such as how to do a striptease
- Erotic stories
- Porn videos
Videos have lots of foreplay, lots of kissing, and lots of talking before sex.
Women don’t like to see perfect women but slightly older and fatter women.
The guys have to be clean, well-dressed, and well-kept.
They hate men that are sloppily dressed.
Why Women Should Work As NFL Scouts
Many of women’s physical cues are not visual:
- Sexy voice
- Masculine scent
- Sensuous touch
-> this explains why women don’t like porn, they cannot get any of these physical cues. These cues (hair and eye color, shape of the body, etc) are described in novels.
Penis size or form is almost never described.
The most used words in novels to describe masculine features are:
And here were the adjectives.
The ideal description of the hero goes like this:
He has blue eyes, a straight nose, a high forehead, a square jaw overall making a handsome face. His head is framed by dark hair, which accents the white teeth in his sensual mouth curved into a crooked smile. He stands tall with broad shoulders, a broad chest, a narrow waist, a flat stomach, strong arms, big hands, big feet, long legs, and powerful thighs.
While men are attracted to physical features caused by estrogen in women, women are attracted to physical features caused by testosterone in men.
Attraction to physical features is particularly strong during ovulation.
While testosterone does not impact a man’s chances to reproduce, it does impact his capacity to be dominant.
Testosterone diverts bodily resources to physiology required for male-male competition, such as musculature and fast energy burning. It also increases sex drive.
Deep voices, big jaws, big muscles, and masculine scents come from high testosterone levels. These attract women.
Testosterone does not cause height, but height is one of the most powerful physical cues for women.
For me, tall men make me feel more secure than guys who are under 6 feet. They look more dominant.
All women want to date taller guys, and no women express a preference for shorter ones.
It makes me feel small and secure; which is a lovely feeling.
Women also like well-dressed men, and men in uniforms.
Women are not interested in focusing on anatomical parts (penises etc) except men’s butts.
While most women don’t enjoy porn, bisexual women. Bi-women also gave many non-sex-related answers about aggression, domination, and work habits similar to answers given by men.
They also have a higher sex drive.
A possible explanation is that they have more testosterone.
Misogynistic, Immoral, and Squicky as Hell
Porn does not only trigger positive emotions.
Many women have reported feeling “cheated on” after they caught their husbands watching porn. But they don’t consider reading erotic novels as problematic.
Unlike women, many men get turned on by the idea that their partner watches porn.
Chapter 9: Male Psychological Cues
Forbidden things are exciting for many people, especially men. It’s not a physical cue, but a psychological one, and it works for both genders.
Danger turns both men and women on – but it doesn’t turn women on psychologically.
Another fantasy that makes no sense is the cuckold fantasy (2nd most popular fantasy in the English language).
The cuckold fantasy most of the time features Black men as cuckolders (in gay porn too) because Black people are perceived as being more dominant than other ethnicities.
The cuckold fantasy is exciting because of the sperm wars. Men’s penises have evolved to shove aside another man’s sperm to be able to impregnate the woman.
When a man watches his wife have sex with another man than has sex with her, he’s more motivated to come and usually comes with a higher payload.
-> Competition triggers arousal.
This is why men are aroused when a girl has sex with multiple men at the same time (and this porn category (g*nb*ng) is more popular than the opposite).
Another psychological cue is female pleasure.
Men get turned on when women are really turned on and scream. It may be because her pleasure and satisfaction will ensure faithfulness and a good reputation among other women (women tell each other everything.)
Girls Gone Wild
Girls Gone Wild was a soft porn franchise that filmed college-aged women “going wild” at parties in the US.
It was one of the most popular porn companies before it filed for bankruptcy in 2013.
The appeal of GGW was its authenticity. Real women having real fun showing off their bodies turned on lots of people.
Men focus on physical authenticity (age, breast, etc) while women focus on emotional authenticity (does he really love me).
Another important cue for men is novelty. After copulating once with a female, the male rat is no longer interested, unless he gets a new female rat. This is the same thing for humans.
Casanova described how he would be less interested in having sex with a woman after doing it once. Not to disappoint her, he would set her up with another “better” man and would go look for another one.
This is why webcam girls make the most money during their first week.
Chapter 10: Human Psychological Cues
Social dominance is different than sexual dominance as they are located in different parts of the brain.
Social dominance is about social status and is exclusively male because caused by testosterone. Sexual dominance is about behavior during sex.
No man is born dominant. He must strive for it—and he may fail. The male brain is designed to go through life shifting between dominant and submissive states.
Social dominance must be obtained through relationships with other men and must be constantly strived for.
Naked mole rats, for example, are organized in casts based on dominance. At the bottom stand the workers. They are asexual, do not breed, work for the benefit of the colony, and are both males and females (and they look the same).
At the top are the “alpha” naked mole rats with more male hormones and that get to have sex with the queen.
A male naked mole rat can be transformed if it creates more male hormones. It then becomes sexual, more dominant, and climbs in the dominance hierarchy.
The more dominant a human male becomes, the more testosterone he produces, which in turn increases his sex drive. Men with high levels of testosterone lose their virginity earliest, have the most sexual partners, and convince women to have sex the fastest. Alpha males have the greatest sex drive of all.
Heads or Tails
Another psychological cue people like is submission or domination (one or the other, rarely both together).
In heterosexual porn, men coerce women into sex (for cash, textbooks, etc). But other sites specialize in the reverse – women coercing and humiliating men. The men that watch this are CEOs, doctors, etc men with lots of responsibilities and are excited at the idea of “giving their power” to someone.
The opposite isn’t true. Women don’t like dominating men in general.
It’s often observed that men strive for control and domination, while women strive for consensus and equality.
Women become more dominant when given testosterone. They become more aggressive and more willing to have sex.
Chapter 11: The Creative Power of Cues
Fast food companies make food addictive by combining different tastes together to create new tastes. The same can be done with sexual cues. Their combination creates new clues called erotical illusion.
Eg: shemales, also called ladyboys. The audience is overly heterosexual men in every country on earth (especially big in Brazil and Southeast Asia). In bars where shemales hang out, the males found there are straight and bi males. Gay men are not interested.
Men like the feminity of the shemale and the penis that transforms the situation into some sort of fetish.
Likewise, gay men are intrigued by trans men: some very muscular dudes with vaginas.
Another one of these mixing cues is paranormal romances featuring vampires, wizards, necromancers, or werewolves. Vampires are the most popular ones because they strike as being “alphas”.
Twilight is women’s ultimate fantasy: Edward Cullen thirsts for Bella’s blood but cannot take it as he would kill her. He must therefore control his desire for her, proving in doing so that he is continually loving her.
Finishing off a woman’s face is another one as it mixes three clues at once:
- Her enjoyment
B*kk*k* adds the sperm war cue and the novelty cue.
Gay porn has also become a favorite of heterosexual women. In fact, male-male genre is quickly expanding for romance.
Likewise, most of the audience for Brokeback Mountain (written by a woman) wasn’t gay people, but straight women.
Slash is another one for women, highlighting once again not so much the sex, but the bond and love characters have for one another.
During the 1992 Tokyo Gay and Lesbian Film Festival, an estimated 80 percent of the audience were straight women who wanted to watch men have sex.
Finally, the last one is transformation fiction, which is about men transforming into women, hereby experiencing what it feels like to be a girl (mainly for hetero males).
The transformation is often the complete opposite in every regard – the A male student becomes a C bimbo.
The transformed heroines seem to desire only shopping, dressing up, and sex.
Such illusion combines sexual submission, the male visual cues of female anatomy, female pleasure, and sperm competition.
Whoever you are and whatever you look like, there are people obsessing over people like you.
The greatest hurdle to sexual harmony is ignorance of the fact that members of the other sex (and other sexual orientations) are fundamentally different from ourselves.
This book was an immense pleasure to read as it explains so much about our society:
- Why women date “assh*les”
- Why women are addicted to social media
- Why women complain about social pressure while bending to it
- Why women take fewer risks in life
- Why aging is traumatizing for women that used to be pretty when they were young
- Why men watch porn
- Why men objectify women
- Why men don’t care about women’s social status or career
It also echoed a lot of things written in:
- No More Mr. Nice Guy
- Dating Essentials for Men
- The Winner Effect
- 12 Rules for Life
- The Way of the Superior Man
- Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man
In a way, A Billion Wicked Thoughts synthesizes all of them.
One of the most important things I have learned was that women’s attraction is flexible and can be influenced by culture. But to what extent?
A Billion Wicked Thoughts came out in 2011, before the rise of w*k*ness and the metoo movement.
Relationships have fast evolved since then.
Women have asked men to contribute more to household chores, the number of divorces exploded, the amount of anger and resentment got through the roof, dating apps entered the market, and there have never been as many single women and virgin men.
Toxic masculinity became part of our vocabulary.
Overall, both sexes have adopted many practices of the other: women became more masculine, dominant, and entrepreneurial; and men became more feminine, submissive, and passive.
Hint hint: the amount of anger has never been bigger.
There can only be two explanations for this:
- We are on our way to a massive transformation of what arouses us.
- We are getting away from our core identity and fail to please one another as a result.
While a second edition of the book would easily answer this question (content of erotic novels and porn watched in 2023 would tell us if people’s desires have changed, evolved, or remained the same), those who pay attention will have noticed some indicative clues.
The first one is the explosion of the sugar baby services. Call me crazy, but I don’t think that the young women engaging in this sort of light prostitution do it for the money – I think they do it because they can meet high-value men and act out their fantasies while getting paid, killing three birds with one stone.
The second is the success of Fifty Shades of Grey, a novel that borrows every single literary detail from the erotic novel recipe written above, but in a BD*M context.
The third is the breakup and ever-unequal state of the dating market, where the men at the top get all of the women and the men at the bottom get none of them.
The fourth is women’s desperation. Open TikTok and you’ll see hundreds of pretty young women desperate they cannot find a guy they are attracted to.
A Billion Wicked Thoughts may have been written in the past, but the information it contains is very relevant for the present.
A society that constantly applies pressure on both genders to force them to be different than they are creates a lot of frustration, anger, and identity issues.
Maybe will we realize at some point that the way things are isn’t anyone’s design but simply the way things ought to be.
When 350-thousand-year-old universal practices in both the human and animal realms have been working fine until now, you’d need to be pretty crazy to disturb them.
And yet…that’s how crazy we are.
Jordan Peterson’s Comments About “A Billion Wicked Thoughts” In “Why Women Fall for Pirates and Vampires” (Female Hero Myth, Beauty and the Beast, etc…)
Peterson looks pretty tired on the video so it’s no wonder he’s made some mistakes.
The first one concerns the background of the authors or the origin of the data: none of them worked at Google, and the data came from Dogpile, not Google.
The second concerns the fact that “an innocent young woman encounters a male that is a bit of a monster”. Well no, the authors did not speak about this either. This is something we can infer, but we have talked about tall, dominant, competent men in general, not monsters.
The third one is about the “five types of monsters”.
Maybe he got this data from another book, but certainly not from A Billion Wicked Thoughts.
The authors spoke of vampires, wizards, necromancers, or werewolves in the paranormal erotic stories section.
Then the top 10 jobs for males in erotic stories were:
A few examples are given with pirates, but, pirates aren’t cited out loud as a category.
The fourth mistake is when he says women have a desire for aggressive males…but it is false again. There isn’t an explicit desire for aggression as much as for dominance, but this isn’t the same thing. Aggression is just something Peterson concludes out of his botched examples.
The fifth one is when he says that the basic erotic plot is that the woman encounters an aggressive male and tames in.
Well, false again. The correct take is “a woman encounters a male and investigates if he’s high-value or not.”
There is a possibility that the hero may somehow be twisted and the heroine is the only one that can help him, but this is more a feature than the rule (present in Fifty Shades but not in Twilight, for example).
Peterson is mistaking erotic stories for lobsters’ reproductive system…
And then he introduces his idea that taming an aggressive male is the female hero myth.
He may be right on this but no one really knows.
So that’s five mistakes in a 4:50 video.
Ironically, Jordan Peterson’s meaning-making of A Billion Wicked Thoughts is welcome despite that it’s wrong (or at least, imprecise).
The lack of meaning in the book was one of the things I regretted about it. The authors tell us what there is, but they don’t tell us what it means.
I was persuaded Peterson was right about his female hero myth. But now that I have read the book, I am less persuaded.
What Peterson really means when he says “she tames him” is “she “sh!t-test” him. But Peterson doesn’t know that sh!t-tests aren’t meant to tame a male, but the opposite: they’re meant to make sure he’s still alpha.
So the female hero myth, in this case, would be “consistently testing her partner to make sure he is still strong and capable of taking care of her”.
Women don’t want a tamed man, as we have seen. But Peterson had to find a way to make it all fit within his order-chaos theory.
A bit botched, Jordan. A bit botched.
Of course, the problem with these is that if Peterson makes so many mistakes in such a short video, how many other mistakes does he make in the others…?
You really can’t trust anyone.
For more summaries, head to auresnotes.com.
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