Summary: 5 min
Book reading time: 5h10
Book published in: 2019
- Women enjoy sex as much as men do.
- Women are attracted to high-value men.
- You become high-value once you dress well, talk well, get a good-looking body, and build a life you enjoy.
- Women seek a man that will bring them security.
What Dating Essentials for Men Talks About
Dating Essentials for Men is a book written by Dr. Glover, a psychiatrist and the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy. The book explains what men wrongly think about women and what women want in a man. I learned that your capacity to attract women mainly depends on how great your lifestyle is, and that security is very important for women.
I read this book randomly and it turned out pretty good and different from most other dating books.
I recommend it if you have some game and want to get better at it.
But in case you are a complete virgin noob, this book alone will not be enough.
You should read first Mark Manson’s Models, Neil Strauss’s The Game, and Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden, and finish with Dating Essentials.
Anyway, here’s the summary.
Summary of Dating Essentials for Men Written by Dr. Robert Glover
The first chapter is about recognizing and analyzing the lies you tell yourself about women.
“Women don’t like sex, they only date jerks”, and such are not helping. You need to get rid of all of these preconceptions if you want to start healthy relationships with women.
The truth is that women like sex as much as you do and they like men as much as you love women.
Women have problems, positive sides, negative sides, are far from perfect, wonder if other people like them, and overall, have as much of a human experience as you do.
That’s because women are just people.
The only difference is that while men are desperate to have sex with any girl, women are desperate to find a man they like, because there aren’t many.
As you are about to find out, becoming a high-value guy isn’t so difficult. If you can dress up, get a good job, and a nice personality, you will end up in the top 10% of men to date in your city.
The second chapter is about “the joy of dating”.
The truth is that dating is all about fun! Kissing is fun, flirting is fun, holding a girl’s hand is fun, sex is fun.
The best way to do that is to get a life.
Start with your wardrobe. Throw away clothes that don’t fit and clothes you don’t want to wear. Go buy some nice shirts and pants, and get accessories (watches, bracelets, necklaces, rings, hats, scarves, etc).
Ask the salespeople in the shop for advice on clothes that match.
Then go to the gym or practice any other sport to get back into physical shape.
This will also boost your mood.
Now, you will have to overcome your anxiety about women.
The only way to do so is to go out and practice talking to girls.
However, while most dating gurus would tell you to go approach the hottest girls, Dr. Glover does not do that.
He practices what is called “warm approach”.
Warm approach is approaching girls that let you know they want you to approach them.
Eye contact is the most obvious sign, which is why you should start to make eye contact with women you run into.
It’s that simple.
If a girl holds eye contact, then there are high chances she wants you to talk to her.
Glover reveals one secret (a damn important one) in his book that should help you in your endeavors.
You know that crazy feeling you get when a girl is undressing in front of you?
Girls have the exact same feeling when you approach them with full confidence, or simply when you make moves that attest you are a confident person.
Glover calls this “the secret they don’t want you to know”.
And he’s right.
In my personal dating experience, I noticed that some moves I made (in the context they were made, they appeared confident, but may appear creepy if made too early) like holding the girl’s hand, kissing her for the first time smoothly and slowly, etc, were welcomed and excited the girl quite much.
Somehow, this “secret” Glover talked about was known to me, but as a subconscious principle, not a rule.
After I read the book, I set out to be as confident as I could with all girls, and I only gained points, dating girls I never thought would want to date me.
Finally, Glover concludes the first part of the book by telling you to stop obsessing over hot girls.
Hottness is most of the time fake, and will fade with time anyway.
He explains that while you should date girls you find physically attractive, you should also consider her personality when choosing to date her or not.
The second part of the book gives you some tips about dating and female psychology.
Here there are, in bullet points.
- The three T’s: Tease, Touch, Tell: Glover explains that you hit on women by teasing her, touching her, and telling her stuff about you, your life, what you do, and asking her personal questions.
- Women seek security more than anything else. This may be why they often appear to be gold diggers. It’s just that in our society, money = security. If you want a woman to feel good with you, provide her with security (this is why they feel better with tall guys).
- Take the lead. On a date, tell her where you are going. Ask her what she wants to drink and order for her. Tell her to give you her hand when you are taking it. When you are kissing her, about to have sex, tell her to take off her clothes.
- Be specific. “Wanna hang out sometimes” is not specific and appears insecure. “Let’s go on a date on Tuesday at 19h. I will take you to a secret bar I am sure you will love” is much more specific and clear.
- Be transparent and honest.
- Test for interests: before you know whether she likes you or not, you should absolutely test for her interest. If she is not interested move on. You test for interest by escalating: touching her, getting close, asking personal questions, etc.
- Women pay attention to details. This is why you should always be well-groomed, wear nice shoes, nice clothes, some perfume, etc. Women are likely to pay more attention to how you take care of yourself than you do. Yes, it’s to that extreme.
- Don’t listen to her problems, and don’t try to solve them either.
- Talking and having sex is a zero-sum game. The more you talk to her, the less you will have sex. And the other way around.
- Set the tone. Lead. Never let her do so. When you do, you become one of her girlfriends. And this is bad. Women have boyfriends or girlfriends. If you are not her boyfriend, you are her girlfriend.
- Never defend yourself.
- Don’t argue, and don’t try to convince her. Of anything.
- Don’t let her treat you badly.
- Don’t engage in conversations you don’t want to have.
- Let go of the attachment to the outcome. The only way to keep a girl is to not need her.
Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash
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