Summary: 10 min
Book reading time: 3h30
Book published in: 2015
- While men seek to remain logical with themselves, women seek to maintain an emotional balance.
- This leads women to do stuff that may seem illogical to men.
- Women experience the world through their emotions. If they don’t feel something, that thing doesn’t exist.
What Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man Talks About
Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man talks about the ways men and women think. While men are results-driven, women are sentiment-driven. They are constantly striving to keep their feelings in harmony which leads them to do stuff that may appear “illogical” to men – while in fact, it’s just a different type of logic.
The book was written in 2008 (which is old for relationship advice) by three men in their forties.
I read it after a friend of mine recommended it.
I was slightly disappointed.
First of all, the content of the book is written in academic style, which is unimaginably dumb for two reasons.
- The topic is a complicated topic and demands – above all – clarity so that the reader understands the issue at hand. Academic style does not emphasize clarity.
- The topic isn’t serious enough to use academic style. Dating isn’t physics.
Nonetheless, the content is good, even though it resembles a lot of what has already been written in David Deida’s The Way of the Superior Man.
If you experience difficulties communicating with women, this book will help you understand how they work.
But it won’t be easy to read and it’s quite repetitive at times.
Summary of Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man Written by Joseph, David, and Franco
The principles outlined in the book are wide generalizations that don’t apply to everyone.
You should always calibrate and adapt yourself to the girl you are talking to instead of following a script.
Think for yourself!
Now, let’s start.
Men and women differ due to the different biological roles they have been entrusted by nature to keep the species alive.
They differ physically (men are stronger, die earlier, etc) and psychologically.
Men’s misunderstanding of women’s way of thinking is the primary reason why couples experience relationship problems.
While women benefit from a wide range of magazines, books, and other female advice to learn how to attract and keep a good man, men don’t.
Without any explanation manuals, men often end up confused when dealing with a wife or girlfriend.
For example, women get sexually turned on differently than men.
While men are extremely visual, women are much more situational.
What does it mean?
It means that women have certain fantasies (desires) organized around certain characteristics (freedom, safety, adventure, physical strength, etc).
Whatever characteristics turn her on, a woman will become sexually receptive if the man she is talking to is presenting these characteristics.
Eg: if the girl’s fantasy is a man traveling the world to build businesses, then she will be turned on when she talked to a guy fitting this scenario. The reason why she’s turned on is that she is likely attracted to the safety, adventure, and social status the guy gives off.
As we can see, the type of logic women act and live by is different from the logic men use.
Men are much more causal in their way of thinking.
“A causes B. Therefore, I do C” is how men create meaning out of their lives.
Women are much more emotional: “A makes me feel like B. Therefore, I do C.”
Women’s actions are the results of emotions they feel at instant T (right now).
For men, a desired state is the cause of action. For women, emotion is the cause of action. This may appear completely illogical to men (which is correct, since there is no logic here). This is why they have such a hard time communicating with women.
Eg: girls that go buy shoes because they feel bad about not having any money left. While men go crazy seeing this, this series of actions is perfectly logical for women. I feel bad -> I will go do something to feel good.
This is women’s internal way of working.
Since women experience the world through their emotions, it also means that “that which she does not feel, does not exist“.
If a girl did something she regrets, she will avoid speaking about it, so that, subconsciously, “it never happened.”
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
This is how they maintain harmony within themselves, and how they make decisions in general.
It goes without saying that men should NEVER impose their men’s internal ways of working onto women – quite the opposite!
Men should instead enter women’s game and enhance the emotions that get women to act how they do. Consider the following dialogue between a man and his girlfriend.
– Where are you?
– At the office.
– Omg, you are always working!
From there on, there are only two possible answers.
A good one, and a bad one.
The bad one would sound like:
– Yes, my salary helps me buy you the restaurant twice a week. What is the matter with you?
It’s man’s logic being applied to the girl’s frame. “I work because I need money.”
It doesn’t work this way for women.
“I am frustrated because he is in the office, so he needs to leave it”.
As a result, the good answer would sound like this:
– Yes…imagine I would go to war…so much time away from home
– You enjoy killing don’t you?!
– Yes, especially when….
It’s men responding to an emotional reaction with a deeper, emotional reaction (there is no logic between the office and going to war…).
Communication and gazing (attention) are extremely important to women, and this is something they require from their partners.
However, communication itself is a feminine trait. As a result, men should be careful not to overcommunicate with their partners and give too much attention since it will make them needy and feminine, a sure path to relationship failure.
Men should always keep a balance between remaining masculine, and giving enough attention and communication to their girlfriends.
As you can see, it’s not easy.
Female Basic Conflict and Communication
When it comes to choosing men, women are constantly conflicted between two needs.
- Ensuring she has enough resources and safety to survive and care for children.
- Finding a guy she can fully be sexual with.
Ensuring need 1 means finding a nice guy, but no good sex.
Ensuring need 2 means finding a f*ck boy and getting good sex, but no safety.
Being attracted to bad boys while simultaneously knowing that nice guys make better providers is the Female Basic Conflict.
It’s a schizophrenic duality between a woman’s need to survive on one hand, and her need to express her sexuality on the other.
As a result, women divide men into two groups: lovers, and providers.
This leads women to try to attract bad boys and subsequently manipulate them into nice guys, subsequently losing attraction for them if they succeed.
This is why you should never lean more towards the provider role than towards the lover role.
Your role as the man in the relationship is to establish and keep a lover frame while simultaneously providing enough – but not too much.
The fact that women aren’t as strong as men means that they’re much better at communication. By “better”, we mean they are much better at getting what they want through communication.
One of the core features of female communication is ambivalence. It means it is difficult to interpret what is said – positive, negative, good, bad…
Ambivalent communication is often enacted as sub-communication.
Sub-communication is the communication of meaning in an indirect way (which is left to interpretation).
It is saying “you’re working a lot” instead of saying “I want to spend time with you”, for example.
Don’t forget to always analyze the underlying emotion behind a girl’s message.
That, is what she is truly communicating.
There are three main types of women.
Good girls: she won’t try to manipulate you or extract anything from you. While she wants to have the freedom to be sexual in the bedroom, her image to her friends and family is important (you’ll understand once we get to the wh*re/Madonna complex).
Adventuress: they get bored fast, often cheat (or don’t do relationships at all), and are fun to hang out with. They don’t really care about their image.
Materialistas: they mainly want you to fund their lifestyles.
Each of these women can further be divided into high self-esteem and low-esteem, and high sex drive and low sex drive.
That being said, no woman is 100% each type. They often have one side that shows a bit more than the other, but they’re mixed most of the time.
All women have a bit of materialistas in them. It’s normal,
Screening for a Girlfriend
Screening means finding out a girl’s real personality.
The problem with men is that they’re awful at screening. All they care about is if the girl is hot, available, and normal.
Unfortunately, this isn’t enough.
Unlike men, women are better at screening and don’t care as much about the physic as men do.
Women will screen for social status and your capacity to ensure physical, emotional, and social safety, along with one or two masculine characteristics (dominance, for example).
You should go for high self-esteem women if you wish to have healthy relationships.
Furthermore, you should avoid girls leaning too much on the adventuress and materialista sides.
The former will eventually leave you and your kids for the neighborhood drug dealer, and the latter will take your kids, house, and all of your money.
Women will never stop testing.
They test to continually ensure that their partner is a high-quality partner and that he keeps on staying high quality.
Women will test you at the beginning of the relationship, throughout, and at the end of the relationship.
One of the main ways to keep your relationship alive and well is to pass those tests.
How do you do so?
You need to:
- Be certain of who you are and don’t let her destabilize that
- Be certain of what you want and don’t let her destabilize that
- Be certain of your values, principles, and limits, and never break any of them for her
It’s unclear whether girls are aware or unaware that they are testing you.
Testing often manifests itself as rudeness in real life.
Testing can take the following form, for example.
– So what do you do?
– I am an entrepreneur
– Have you built any companies?
– Well, hum, I am currently working on a project which…
-> wrong answer!
It’s logical, it’s unsure, and it’s weak.
The right way to answer would be:
– Yes, I have a portfolio of at least 10 profitable billion-dollar companies. Did you see my Lamborghini outside? (humor)
All she wants is to test how congruent and confident you are with yourself.
Root Causes of Conflict
There are three main causes of conflict.
- Improper screening
- Mishandling of Early Frame Announcements
- Failure to Establish Boundaries
While the first one is a judgment mistake, the second and third depend on your own frame and whether you can pass her tests or not.
They can be fixed if you are:
- Certain of who you are
- Certain of what you want
- Certain of your values, principles, and limits and never break any of them for her
Another frequent mishandling of communication concerns the double bind.
The double bind is a statement that traps anyone trying to discuss it.
Whatever the answer the man gives, it will be the wrong one.
Eg: – Does this dress make me look fat?
Say “yes” and you’re in trouble, say “no” and you’re in trouble for being a liar.
– I like men that are proactive and organize stuff when we’re dating but I don’t like when they decide things for me and not let me be independent.
This sentence is a double bind, as it’s an oxymoron.
Do not ever make a single step into the double bind.
The key is to not enter her frame at all.
As a result, the correct answer to the dress question is
– It’s not the dress making you look fat, it’s your fat, baby.
– It makes your a*s looks fat and I love that fat a*s.
The most effective way to deal with double binds is to let them “bounce” on you without catching them.
The correct answer to the “I like men that” statement is “right, can you come here and scratch my back”?
When reacting to double-bind this way, the women that are trying to manipulate you for dark reasons will leave your life because they can’t get you into their frame.
The ones that are testing you for good reasons will stay.
The Wh*re/Madonna Complex (WMC)
The wh*re/Madonna complex is a complex men have which divides women into two categories.
They’re whether good innocent girls enjoying plain vanilla sex, or porn stars.
This complex prevents men from enjoying spicy sex with their girlfriends (since they most of the time see them as “good girls that wouldn’t do the things I want to do to her”) while having secret relationships with porn where they can dive into their wildest fantasies.
The WMC has two possible origins.
The first one is the idea that men associate their girlfriends with their mother – and hence, are incapable to be “dirty” with them since the image of the mother is as “clean” as the virgin mother of Jesus.
The second idea is that men that suffer from this complex the most suffered from a distant mother in childhood.
This makes them yearn for a maternal relationship with their girlfriend while satiating their animalistic sexual pulsions with porn – or prostitutes.
The WMC is a problem. Women are neither wh*res nor Madonnas.
They are extremely complex beings that can be turned on by gentle and intimate sex, or degenerate f*ckery.
As a result, men must reconcile these ideas with women in general, and accept that deep down, we still remain mammals.
Male Qualities Attractive to Women
Discretion is the art of practicing dirty, hot, and spicy s*x with a girl and never, ever, ever bringing it up outside of the bedroom.
As we have indicated above, women understand the world through emotions, and bringing up a certain s*x act when she’s not in the right mood will humiliate her, and destroy any trust.
Don’t boast about girls you have sex with. Don’t tell what you do with girls. And if someone ever makes a degrading comment about a girl being a “sl*t”, answer by “I know right, this is what I like so much about her”.
You need to project you respect women’s inner s*xual desires to make them comfortable.
The best thing you can do for girls is to encourage them to explore their s*xuality and desires (in private) while ensuring they will never be judged for it.
It’s important to understand, so I’ll repeat it here: never ever judge anyone for a sexual act.
The purpose, after all, isn’t to make her feel bad for having s*x. It’s to have s*x with her.
2. Alpha Traits
Impudence – the art of taking what you want when you want it.
Mission and Honor – they should be priority number one for you
For more book summaries, head to auresnotes.com.
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