- How you behave with other people depends on your mindset.
- Change your mindset -> change your behavior with others.
- Charisma = conviction + presentation + energy
- Energy is the most important thing to have.
- To fascinate people, tell stories.
What Charisma on Command Talks About
Charisma on Command is a book written by the guys behind the Youtube channel from the same name. It explains how you can become more social. What I have learned is that the way you behave in social settings is a consequence of the way you think. Change your mindset and your behavior will change too.
Charisma on Command is likely one of the best social books I have ever read.
Summary of Charisma on Command written by Charlie Houpert
The most determining ability to achieve success in life is your ability to get people to like you and to like them back, to connect with them.
Charisma = conviction + presentation + energy
You reach conviction when you focus on your beliefs.
Every interaction boils down to two sets of beliefs banging into one another.
No one will follow your lead until you believe yourself worthy of leading.
Build conviction in everything you do and people will support, respect, and believe in you.
The 12 Charismatic Beliefs to Increase Conviction
- I will be okay, no matter what happens.
- I care more about my character than the opinion of others, unless my behavior constantly yields negative results, or does not align with my values.
- I have impeccable integrity:
- Don’t lie. When you lie a little, it plays in your subconscious. When someone doubts your integrity, you believe it is true because you lied previously -> creates uncertainty and your whole self is shaken.
- Follow through when you promise to do something.
- Make commitments you can keep.
- Represent yourself honestly.
- Charisma doesn’t convince. Charismatic people respect other people and their different opinion -> do not seek others’ approval to make a decision or hold an opinion. Be confident that you will meet other people that will agree with you.
- Charismatic people communicate their purpose. Be driven.
- They dare to try it first: be the first one to address the elephant in the room, say out loud what everyone thinks.
- Break taboo topics: risky, but rewarding. Be the first to bring the topic of money, sex, and relationships, since these are the things people are talking about.
- Break solemnity and be fun
- Establish boundaries (tell people when they go out of line).
- Touch people: charismatic people touch more (double-handed handshake, touch shoulders, etc). Give compliments.
- Let people know when you’re nervous, pissed, or hurt.
- Reveal your flaws.
Your energy is more essential than your message. Have high energy.
Your message must be positive and uplifting.
Be excited and passionate.
To be charismatic: feel what you want your audience to feel because emotions are contagious.
Be like Clinton: direct attention to other people, make them feel like they are the only ones in the world. When you break eye contact…come back. Direct all of your attention to others.
Use people’s names.
Make jokes in their favor.
Give genuine, non-reaction-seeking compliments.
Offer a flattering headline when you introduce people.
Eg: “This is Lucie, she’s the best chocolate cake cook I have ever seen”.
Ask for opinion and advice.
Ask for contact info only if you plan on keeping in touch.
- Be present: don’t think about what you are going to say next.
- Look into the eyes of the people you are speaking to.
- Squints it like Clint Eastwood.
- Make your gaze narrow. Don’t go bug-eyed.
- Use your heads and eyebrows to communicate.
- Break eye contact last when you are leaving.
Body language is important due to the 1-second judgment (Blink, Malcolm Gladwell).
Most of the time accurate, that judgment is accurate -> you want to appear well so that when people judge you well.
Pull yourself up.
Don’t cross your arms and open your body.
To be seen as more charismatic in conversation:
- Display open body language
- Vary your gesticulation
- Gesture using the full reach of your arm
- Maintain tension
- Touch others
- Replace filler words like “euh” with silence -> become automatically more charismatic.
- Control the silence: after your request, let the silence be. The first one who speaks loses. Interrupt your sentences with silence. It creates anticipation.
- Boom when you speak (speak loud)
- Choose big words
- Make your statements sound like statements: keep your voice deep and state your thing. Don’t make it like you ask a question.
- Get expressive with your voice
- Make your voice deeper: breath low (pelvis)
To tell stories, use its 4 parts:
- The introduction.
- The development.
- The climax.
- The resolution.
For more summaries, head to auresnotes.com.
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