Article reading time: 3 min
Book reading time: 3 hours and 57 min
Charisma on Command is a book written by the guys that animate the Youtube channel from the same name. I’ve read their book as the lockdowns eased, and I was looking to regain some faded social skills.
The most determining ability to achieve success in life is your ability to get people to like you and to like them back, to connect with them.
Charisma = conviction + presentation + energy
You reach convicition when you focus on your beliefs.
Every interaction boils down to two sets of beliefs banging into one another.
No one will follow your lead until you believe yourself worthy of leading.
Build conviction in everything you do and people will support, respect, and believe in you.
The 12 charismatic convictions to increase conviction:
- I will be okay, no matter what happens.
- I care more about my character than the opinion of others, unless my behavior constantly yields negative results, or does not align with my values.
- I have impeccable integrity: don’t lie. When you lie a little, it plays in your subconscious and when someone doubtsof your integrity, you may actually believe it is true because you lied yourself previously. It creates uncertainty and your whole self is shaken. So you need perfect integrity. Follow through when you promise to do something; make commitments you can keep; represent yourself honestly.
- Charisma doesn’t convince. Charismatic people respect other people and their different opinion; do not seek others’ approval to make a decision or hold an opinion; be confident that you will meet other people that will agree with them.
- Charismatic people communicate their purpose: they have a purpose that drives them.
- They dare to try it first: be the one saying out loud what people think, be the first one to address the elephant in the room.
- Break taboo topics: Riskiest but highest reward situation: be the first to bring the topic of money, sex, and relationships, since these are the things people are talking about.
- Break solemnity and be fun
- Establish boundaries (tell people when they go out of line).
- Touch people: charismatic people touch more (double-handed handshake, touch shoulders, etc). Give compliments.
- Let people know when you’re nervous, pissed, or hurt.
- Reveal your flaws.
Your energy is more essential than your message. Have high energy.
Your message must be positive and uplifting.
Be excited and passionate.
To be charismatic: feel what you want your audience to feel because emotions are contagious.
Be like Clinton: direct attention to other people, make them feel like they are the only ones in the world, when you break eye contact…come back. Direct all of your attention on others.
Use people’s name
Make jokes in their favor
Give genuine, non-reaction seeking compliments.
Offer a flattering headline when you introduce people.
Ask for opinion and advice
Ask for contact info if you plan on keeping in touch.
Master eye contact:
- Be present: don’t think about what you are going to say next.
- Look into the eyes of the people you are speaking to.
- Squints it like Clint Eastwood
- Make your gaze narrow. Don’t go bug-eyed.
- Use your heads and eyebrows to communicate.
- Break eye contact last when you are leaving.
Pull yourself up.
Don’t cross your arms and open your body.
To be seen as more charismatic in conversation:
– Display open body language
– Vary your gesticulation
– Gesture using the full reach of your arm
– Maintain taut tension
– Touch others
The 1-second judgment we make of things and people are most of the time accurate and everyone rests on them. As such, you want to appear well so that when people judge you…well, well. Concept name: thin-slicing: by Malcolm Gladwell, in Blink.
– Replace filler words “euhm…” with silence and you are automatically more charismatic.
– Control the silence: after your request, let the silence be. The first one who speaks loses. Interrupt your sentences with silence. It creates anticipation.
– Boom when you speak (speak loud)
– He spoke in effusive language: choose big words
– Make your statements sound like statements: keep your voice deep and state your thing. Don’t make it like you ask a question.
– Get expressive with your voice
– Make your voice deeper: breath low (pelvis lmao)
How to tell stories:
You need to use all the tricks you have been told about so far. Stories have 4 parts: the introduction, the development, the climax, and the resolution.
For more summaries, head to auresnotes.com.